Life gets stressful. You need someone who understands that. Some people choose to cope with a punching bag, some spark up a couple of joints, and others… well, they like to kill off a 90-count bag of pizza rolls with no shame. I’m not saying that you can’t do all three, but you should certainly find someone who won’t judge you for the latter.

In fact, find someone who embraces the pizza roll life with you. Don’t settle for someone who will eat a few and then look at you like you’re a carnivorous beast for eating the whole bag!

No, no my friend. Everyone should know that there’s a special bond between a hungry human and those delectable little pockets of goodness!

DISCLAIMER: You can judge someone for putting pizza rolls in the microwave instead of the oven. Outta here with that soggy nonsense!

At the end of the day, life is too short for wasting time on that total idiot Eric, that absolute witch of a girlfriend, or anyone else who’s trying to keep you from your beloved rolls. You know what… until they surprise you with pizza rolls instead of chocolate, they’re not good enough for you enough. You’re too good for these basic, health-driven folks. So go ahead… fire up the oven and crack open a cold one. We’ll love you for it!

Matt Teaford is a meatatarian, craft beer enthusiast, and follower of his spirit animal, which he believes to be a Kodiak Bear. He can often be found hiking in the backwoods of Kentucky or bragging about both his hometown of Cincinnati and expansive knowledge of music. Except Polka. He knows nothing about Polka.

Matt founded CityNova because he wants people to experience life for all that it’s worth. He also thinks that nap time should be offered by all employers. Since he found no such opportunity, he thought a startup might be his best chance.

He’s also a political Independent who vies for true transparency and accountability in government, but that’s neither here nor there…