So, Solo: A Star Wars Story dropped two days ago and critics are having a field day with it already. Being somewhat of a critic myself (just usually being critical of the human race), I figured I’d go ahead and throw my hat in and give my two cents as well. I would give you some background about myself, explain why Episode III is the best Star Wars movie in the saga, and tell you how cynical I am about movies in general, but that’s not why you’re here. You’re here because I promised you a “real ass” review of Solo. So here it is, fam.

The Story

Unlike some of the more recent Star Wars movies, this time we get dropped in with a little slower pace. Sure, there’s a little bit of the pew, pew, pew laser fire and all that jazz, but it’s not over the top at all. In fact, I’d argue that the story starts off kind of flat. Now, I’m not going to ruin anything for you, but you really could miss the first half-hour of the movie and you wouldn’t be sad about it. If you’re on a hawt date, this is primo time to make oogle eyes with your sweetums.

With that being said, things do pick up. We find out how Chewy met Han, how Han met Lando, how Lando double-crossed Han (the first time), how Han tends to put his trust in the wrong people way too often, how he did the Kessel Run in “12 parsecs” and how he, ultimately, gets the Millennium Falcon. We even get, what I would argue, at least, is by far the most epic cameo in any Star Wars movie to date. Sorry, Disney… could have done without old ass Yoda in Episode 8. It was a bit of a stretch. This cameo wasn’t expected, and that made it excellent.

The Cast

At one point, someone joked if it would have been better to have Harrison Ford dress and act like he was young, but change nothing about his actual appearance and still play this role. After watching Alden Ehrenreich’s portrayal of Han Solo, I’m starting to wonder if that wouldn’t have been a better option. Don’t get me wrong, there are some moments where Ehrenreich really does nail Han’s devilish grin and overall persona, but, for the majority of the film, it never feels quite genuine enough. If there was one glaring issue with the whole movie, it was this: The rest of the cast stole the show from what was supposed to be a movie about Han Solo… mostly because of what some would refer to as “bad acting.” Ehrenreich is essentially the male version of Kristen Stewart in any movie she’s ever acted in; in this role, at least.

But, I don’t want that to take away from the rest of the cast. Donald Glover basically stole the show and, without a doubt, now makes me want a little more backstory to Lando than ever before. Yes, Disney, go ahead and sign us up for a Lando movie! We want it! Emilia Clarke? Also killed it. Without spoilers, I’m now wondering how her character in this film may implicate the rest of the Star Wars universe. So many questions!

The Bottom Line

So, now comes the moment many of you have been waiting for. Seeing how the success of Solo is already in question, I’ll take it that many of you may be skeptical, and, rightfully so. However, I see no reason why this movie doesn’t rank among the middle of the pack considering we got the likes of Episodes I and II. Just like Rogue One, it had its own feel and now you almost have to see the movie because it reveals new secrets about the Star Wars universe. You really won’t want to ruin it by looking into spoilers, either. There’s a particular moment that needs to be enjoyed among other Star Wars nerds. You’ll be happy you did.

Ultimately, I never want to see Ehrenreich ever portray one of the most beloved members of the Star Wars universe ever again, as he really was the weakest aspect of the movie, but don’t let those snuffy ass critics keep you from enjoying a real ass movie that deserves to be watched. Ron Howard did an excellent job of saving this movie and, in the very least, you won’t leave the movie theater in anger, but a little excited for what comes next.

Don’t agree? So long, Princess! Just kidding, give me a good enough reason in the comments and I might humor you with a mildly intellectual debate.

Matt Teaford is a meatatarian, craft beer enthusiast, and follower of his spirit animal, which he believes to be a Kodiak Bear. He can often be found hiking in the backwoods of Kentucky or bragging about both his hometown of Cincinnati and expansive knowledge of music. Except Polka. He knows nothing about Polka.

Matt founded CityNova because he wants people to experience life for all that it’s worth. He also thinks that nap time should be offered by all employers. Since he found no such opportunity, he thought a startup might be his best chance.

He’s also a political Independent who vies for true transparency and accountability in government, but that’s neither here nor there…